


Night Cap

by blackmariahlee



Series: We've Won the Battle, But the War Is Still Going [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Everyone Needs A Hug, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 13:31:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17387282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackmariahlee/pseuds/blackmariahlee
Summary: Steve can't sleep. And neither can Tony. So they drink, they talk, they hug. They...flirt? If you have ever had a deep, meaningful conversation with someone you barely know in the middle of the night...this will feel very familiar.





	Night Cap

**Author's Note:**

> Third entry into We've Won the Battle, But the War is Still Going. This time, with Steve's POV to mix it up. I promise in the next entry there will be characters other than Steve and Tony. Really. I swear. Kudos and comments are always welcome!

“Can’t sleep?” Steve jerked his head up at the voice. Tony was coming down the stairs from what Steve assumed was his penthouse. 

“Only so much staring at the ceiling a guy can take.” Steve shrugged and went back to his book. An orphaned kid discovering he was actually more powerful than he thought. People said he should read it. 

“Hey, it’s a nice ceiling.” Tony yawned. “Worked hard on that ceiling.” 

“I’m sure you did, Tony.” Steve tried to focus on the words in front of him. And not the new and shiny distraction that was Tony Stark. He often thought that Tony embodied this new millennium so well. So well that he had invented a bright and shiny, flying suit of armor. Tony made Steve feel superfluous. He scrubbed a hand over his face and startled slightly when he opened his eyes to see a tumbler being held in front of him. 

“It’s a night cap. Get it?” Tony smirked at him and Steve took the drink. “Come on, I don‘t even get a courtesy laugh? Night, Cap?” Steve huffed out a small chuckle. 

“Sorry, Tony. Guess I’m not really all here.” Steve swirled the amber liquid in the glass. Most of the time he felt that he wasn’t all here. Part of him was here. Part of him was back in 1943. Back in the freezing cold winters of Europe. The roar of the planes. The crunch of the ice and snow under the tanks. The Commandos huddled around him for warmth like he was a bonfire. Bucky’s bloodshot eyes stared off into the distance. 

“Cap? Cap? Steve?” Tony had raised his voice and Steve realized he had been staring right through Tony. “...Are you all right?” 

“Yeah, yeah. ‘Course.” Steve forced a smile on his face and took a sip of the whiskey. It burned going down. Reminded him of the bombed-out bar he had taken refuge in after Bucky had fallen. He could still smell the smoke and the gun powder. 

“Somehow I’m not convinced.” Tony set his glass down and leaned toward Steve. “...SHIELD talk to you about seeing a therapist?” 

“They talk to you about it?” Steve downed the rest of his glass and set it aside. “Sorry, Tony. I’m just...” That hadn’t been particularly kind. Or tactful. In the few interactions they had, Steve knew Tony wasn’t really an open guy. That disarming smile did its job. 

“Yeah.” Tony sighed. “Did you ever meet Patton? Dad always said he was a son of a bitch.” 

“I had the honor of meeting General Patton.” Steve glanced over at Tony. “He was a great military mind. And a son of a bitch.” 

“They have a much better understanding of ‘battle fatigue’ now than they did when Patton was around.” 

“Post-traumatic stress disorder.” Steve closed his book. No amount of magic was going to save him from this conversation. “Of course SHIELD wanted me to see a therapist.” They couldn’t exactly have a traumatized super soldier running around. In the middle of a mission and having a total breakdown because the sound of bullets took him back to the battlefields of France and Germany. 

“And you turned it down?” 

“I have an eidetic memory, Tony. No amount of talking to a stranger is going to erase all that.” Steve shrugged and leaned back into the couch. “It felt like a waste of everyone's time.” 

“Well let me know if you change your mind. Pepper accumulated a pretty decent list of psychiatrists after Afghanistan.” 

“And did you ever go?” 

“Nope. Told myself that I would get over it.” 

“And have you?” 

“Sure. I’ve got a whole new nightmare to keep me up at night.” Tony grinned at Steve. “Flying a nuke through a wormhole into space is pretty...” He trailed off and finished his drink. 

“Yeah. Nothing like a one-way trip.” Steve closed his eyes and he could hear the ice cracking around him, the water rising. And darkness. 

“You know, Aunt Peggy used to tell me about the grenade at boot camp. And the flagpole. The way that you kept on going, even with half the other recruits laughing in your face.” 

“Half?” Steve raised an eyebrow. “Try all of ‘em.” 

“The point is...she knew you were special long before the serum. And so did Dr. Erskine.” 

“Is this your way of saying you’re sorry?” Steve lolled his head to the side to look at Tony. He sighed and grabbed both of their glasses. 

“It’s my way of saying that we all said stupid shit in that lab.” Steve heard ice meet glass. That was probably the closest he was going to get. Of course Steve had taken Tony’s jab at him on the Helicarrier personally. It was personal. How many times had he thought that someone else should have been given the serum? Someone better than he was. How many times had he thought it should have gone to Bucky? Maybe if it had, Bucky would still be... What the hell difference did it make whether Bucky had survived the war now? Steve was in 2012. Bucky would have been dead by now anyway. 

“Steve?” Tony held the glass out to him again. He looked concerned. The first glass of whiskey had given his cheeks a nice dusting of pink. Steve swallowed. He wasn’t unfamiliar with this feeling. But it had been easier back in the 30s and 40s. Back when he could never act on these feelings. And he had never been attracted to a man that was in his command. Sure, there had been rumors about him and Bucky but he had grown up with Bucky. He was too much like a brother, like family. Everything about Tony was different. 

“Sorry, Tony. Promise I’ll stop doin’ that.” Steve took the glass handed to him. 

“I’m pretty familiar with the thousand-yard stare, Steve.” Tony dropped back onto the couch, closer than he had been previously. “My buddy Rhodey has had his fair share of tours in the middle east.” 

“Colonel James Rhodes?” 

“Yep. Did you see what they are doing to War Machine? It looks like Iron Man and Captain America had a love child.” Tony laughed when Steve almost spit whiskey. “It does!” He picked up his phone and pulled up a picture. Tony held up the phone for Steve to see the picture and...well...he wasn’t wrong. 

“Why did they do that?” 

“War Machine was too violent I guess.” Tony shrugged. “It’s been rebranded as Iron Patriot.” 

“They didn’t even try to hide that it’s our love child.” Steve shook his head and took a drink of the whiskey. “Could have at least let us announce it. Name the damn thing.” 

“Well, dear, we’re still keeping our relationship from the public.” 

“Don’t I feel special.” Steve smirked over at Tony. Damn. Why was this so easy? Steve should be stammering and falling all over himself. Why did Tony have to make this so easy? 

“Who taught you how to Google? And who told you to Google me?” 

“Someone saw me struggling to use the computer at the library to find history books. They helped me with that and then said it would be faster to Google everything.” 

“And you Googled me?” 

“You weren’t the first thing on my list, Tony, but yeah. Of course I Googled you. Guess I thought that maybe since Howard was your dad you would...” Know who I was. “I’m surprised he settled down and got married. He never seemed like the type.” 

“He wasn’t.” Tony finished his drink. “Eh, I guess he was an okay husband. Mom never complained much. He was a shit dad though.” He took the glass from Steve’s hand and finished his drink too. 

“I wish I could say I was surprised.” Steve sighed. “But even when I knew him, he loved to drink and work. Not a great combination for a father.” 

“You‘re tellin’ me.” Tony laughed and stood to take the glasses to the bar. “He was a workaholic during the day and an alcoholic at night.” 

“I don’t blame him.” Steve took the drink from Tony who looked at Steve like he had grown a second, Chitauri head. 

“You don’t blame him?” Tony remained standing this time. “What the fuck do you mean you don’t blame him for being an alcoholic piece of shit?” 

“You know, Pa fought in the Great War. He was in the trenches. He never talked about it. And when I was a kid, I didn‘t get it. He couldn‘t hold down a job. Ma had to work extra shifts just to make ends meet.” Steve laughed and took a drink. “Not sure I ever understood it until...” Until Bucky fell off a train. “War changes people. You gotta do things that you never thought you would or could do. Pa had trenches and gases and tanks. We had planes and Hydra and...nuclear weapons. Howard helped make the bomb, didn’t he?” 

“...Yeah, of course he did.” Tony sat down now, staring at Steve. Steve just looked out the floor to ceiling windows. 

“Can you imagine something that you helped create, destroying so many lives?” 

“I don’t have to.” 

“And how did it feel?” 

“Like shit.” Tony downed his drink. 

“I’m not sayin’ that what he did was right, Tony. It wasn’t. And I’m not makin’ excuses for him either. All I’m sayin’ is that...you gotta find a way to deal with the things that you did. You have to find a way to keep going on. Whatever that looks like.” Steve finished his drink too and set the glass down. “And it ain’t always pretty. And some men don’t find a way to keep going. Some just...lay down their arms and quit fighting.” 

“How are you dealing, Cap?” Steve could feel Tony’s gaze on him and finally turned to look at him. 

Steve let himself drink Tony in like that first glass of whiskey. Slow, calculated. For all the drinks that Tony had he looked pretty damn lucid. Probably from a lifetime of drinking. Even now, in the middle of the night, after a few drinks, Tony‘s eyes had a gorgeous spark. Always bright and curious. Maybe instead of concern for Steve, Tony just wanted to solve him. Like Steve was a new puzzle to be taken apart and put back together. Better and more efficient than he had been. Tony Stark, always improving on his father‘s legacy. Never to be outdone by Howard. His eyes trailed down to Tony’s lips. Lips usually curved in an arrogant smirk. But not right now. This was wrong. It was all wrong. 

“I feel like you promised you were going to stop zoning out on me, soldier.” Steve dragged his eyes back up to meet Tony’s. He was watching Steve and the upper half of his body was leaned towards Steve. “Are you even dealing with it?” 

“’Course. I’m taking it all out on the punching bags.” Steve wanted to reach over and brush the hair back from Tony’s forehead. He blamed the whiskey. Or the late hour. Maybe the fact that he hadn’t really had a decent nights sleep since before the war. But...it could also be the way Tony had been looking at him. 

“Not my punching bags.” Tony raised an eyebrow. 

“Nah, I run down to this gym in Brooklyn--” 

“Brooklyn? Steve...we’re in Midtown Manhattan. You’re running all the way to another borough just to use a gym?” 

“It’s a nice early morning run.” Steve shrugged. 

“What time are you running to Brooklyn? Cuz I feel like you’re here when I get up.” 

“That’s not sayin’ a lot, Tony. Sometimes you don’t get up until the afternoon.” 

“We’re not talking about my sleeping habits, Cap, we’re talking about yours.” 

“I don’t have a specific time. I just...get up and go. The owner is real nice. Gave me a key for when I get there before him.” 

“Steve, honey, we have a gym here.” 

“Honey?” 

“You don’t need to run all way to Brooklyn to punch things. I have a state-of-the-art gym right here in the Tower. I got targets for Barton and Romanoff. Custom made arrows and everything. Soon as SHIELD clears him, he is gonna have a damn field day. Got pads and hand to hand gear so that you and Thor can spar without killing each other. We got free weights and machines and treadmills and ellipticals, Olympic size pool, and of course punching bags. Ones that even you would have a hard time breaking.” 

“Well...I guess I could use your gym when I can’t sleep. Or for my afternoon workout.” Steve turned his gaze back to the window. “He’s a nice guy. Army vet. He fought in Vietnam. He wasn’t as hellbent on joining as I was, of course. He got drafted. Johnny fills me on some things I missed. I would feel guilty if I stopped going all together.” 

“Of course you would. You’re you.” Tony sighed. “Look, I know I’m the last person who should be lecturing on mental health or a decent sleep schedule. I mean, we are both sitting out here at...J, what’s the time?” 

“2:51 am, sir. I would strongly suggest that both you and the captain retire to your rooms.” 

“Suggestion noted, J, thanks.” Tony stretched his arms up and then fell back into the couch, his head resting on Steve’s shoulder. “My point is, you don’t have to fight all by yourself. You’ve got resources and people that care about you.” 

“I don’t know, Tony. I feel like most people care about Captain America. Not sure they give a damn about Steve Rogers.” He leaned his head down to rest on top of Tony’s. “After all, I’m just a man out of time.” 

“Bullshit, Steve. You think Bruce only cares about you when you’ve got the uniform on? You think Romanoff only cares about you when you’re tossing her onto alien hover bikes? You think I would take Captain America shopping over you?” 

“I am out of time. I’m out of place. I don’t belong here, with you and Bruce. Maybe the world needed Captain America 70 years ago. But not now. The world has you. I was trained to fight a war. They never taught me how to make peace.” 

“You listen to me, Steven Grant Rogers...” Steve couldn’t help but laugh. And then Tony lifted his head off his shoulder and took Steve’s face between his hands. “I don’t give a shit if the world needs you. I need you.” Tony’s voice faltered. “We...we need you. And don’t gimme this crap about you can’t make peace. You are the glue that holds this stupid team together. I couldn’t. And Fury sure as hell can’t. So the world needs you, the Avengers need you. I need you.” 

It was the absolute last thing Steve expected when he rolled out of bed, fed up with the charade of sleep. And he definitely never expected anything like this from Tony. At least for Tony, Steve could blame the multiple glasses of whiskey. Maybe Tony wouldn’t even remember any of this come morning. Well, afternoon. But his hands were so warm against Steve’s face. And they were so close. It would be so easy to just... No. He absolutely could not do that. Even if he wouldn’t get sent to jail or court-martialed for it anymore. It was wrong. Tony was Howard’s son. And Peggy’s godson. And technically, a soldier under his command. And...oh yeah. Ms. Potts. It was all wrong. But, God, Steve wanted to know what it would feel like to kiss Tony Stark. 

“Thank you, Tony.” Steve closed his eyes for a moment and just let himself feel the warm, calloused hands on his face. He didn’t need to be greedy and try to take more than he was offered. Tony could be a good friend. 

“Hey Steve?” He opened his eyes and he swore Tony was closer than he had been only a moment ago. 

“Yeah?” This felt so much different than huddling close to Bucky or Dum to keep warm. It felt...intimate. Steve almost laughed aloud at the thought. As if he would know what intimacy felt like. 

“Can I hug you? I feel like I wanna hug you.” 

“Uh...y-yeah. Guess so.” How could he say no to that? Tony smiled and it wasn’t one of his patented Tony Stark smiles. It was bright and warm and genuine. He leaned into Steve and wrapped his arms around his neck. Steve hesitated briefly but placed his arms around Tony’s waist. It was awkward but so nice. The physical gesture was clearly something that neither of them were used to. But Steve found himself pulling Tony closer to him. 

God, when was the last time he had really hugged someone like this? It seemed like ages. And technically it was. Steve hadn’t had any human contact in 70 years. Just wrapped up in cold and darkness. Tony was warmth and light and Steve needed to wrap himself up in that. In Tony. But he couldn’t. And he shouldn’t. There were so many reasons why this was a terrible idea. To get so involved in Tony Stark. Why did Steve have to be so drawn to the people he could never be with? 

“This is nice...” Tony tightened his grip around Steve and...nuzzled? Was Tony nuzzling his neck? Fuck. Steve closed his eyes and sighed. 

“It is nice.” 

“We should do this more often.“ 

“...Not sleep, drink, and hug?” 

“I mean, not those specifically. But like, we should do stuff. Watch movies, go to dinner, get your hair cut.” Tony ran his hand up the back of Steve’s neck and into his hair. This seemed like it may be crossing the line from friendly into...what exactly? “It‘s a little old-fashioned.” 

“Yeah, I guess I need a fancy, new haircut to go with all of my fancy new clothes.” Steve still felt a little uncomfortable in the new clothes that Tony bought him. But Natasha and Bruce had both assured him that the clothes looked fine and he did not look ridiculous. 

“Yes! Exactly!” Tony pulled away from the hug and smiled at him. Steve managed to return the smile even though what he really wanted was to hug Tony again. He should have just stayed in bed. Hell, he should have just stayed in the ice. It would have been a hell of a lot simpler than dealing with all of this. 

“I guess that’ll hafta be our next field trip.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck, still warmer than the rest of him from the touch of Tony’s hands. 

“I like that.” Tony chuckled. “Field trip, that’s cute.” He yawned and Steve couldn’t help but smile. He was in so much trouble. 

“You should go to bed. Hard working being a billionaire, genius, philanthropist.” 

“You forgot playboy.” 

“Think you gave up the playboy image when you started dating Ms. Potts.” 

“Please, you think the tabloids aren’t still speculating all the people that I could be with on the side?” Tony stretched as he stood from the couch. “I’m always great tabloid fodder. People eat it up.” 

“Nothing like the lives of the rich and the famous.” Steve stood as well. “I’ve already seen poor Bruce splashed all over the news and people trying to suss out who Black Widow and Hawkeye are. Just think, soon you’ll be on page two.” 

“That’s the dream.” Tony smirked at him. “You heading to bed too, Cap?” 

“Yeah, get a couple hours of sleep.” Steve managed to smile and he hoped it was convincing. He had no plans of going back up to bed. Not now. He needed to get out and run. Run as far and as fast as he could. Ma always used to tell him he couldn’t run from his problems. And he never did. Until now. Until this century. Steve couldn’t fight these problems in a back alley. Bucky wasn’t going to jump in and help him. This was more than he could handle. 

“...All right, soldier. Guess I’ll see you later today.” Tony hesitated before he grabbed Steve in another quick hug and then headed to the stairs. “I’ll put on the suit and we’ll go a few rounds.” 

“Lookin’ forward to it.” Steve watched Tony disappear back upstairs. He sighed and fought the urge to just fall back onto the couch. Out. He needed to run and clear his head. State of the art gym be damned. He was running to Brooklyn and he was gonna take all this out on some breakable punching bags. Steve couldn’t fight the painful, vivid memories or this wonderful but frustrating new feeling. And sleeping sure as hell wasn’t going to help. Steve heaved a sigh and dragged his feet to the stairs to go down to his floor. He should at least change his clothes.


End file.
